Shaving My Head Bald During A Pandemic

It’s Day 44 (+/- a few Groundhog Days) of the California lockdown—and I’m bored. Since I’m not a vlogger, I can’t make random videos about being bored. Since I don’t have a Nintendo Switch, I can’t play Animal Crossing and invite you to my island. Last week I was so bored that I shaved my head bald with an electric clippers and s razor blade. I didn’t realize that “shaving my head bald during a pandemic” was a thing. That men who gives up a full head of hair to go bald are confidant, dominant and masculine. Who knew that looking like Mr. Magoo was sexy?

I haven’t had a haircut since I started working from home six months ago. Since I work in government I.T. for a three-letter agency, my haircut—or, lack thereof—doesn’t matter much to my virtual coworkers.

I’ve always kept my hair short. The fastest way to piss off my mother as a teenager was to get a flattop or a buzz cut. I kept my hair short as an adult to make it easy to wipe my head after working out at the gym or in the swimming pool. Short hair doesn’t clog up the shower drain.

The real problem that I have with my hair that its naturally curly. Those curls don’t come out until my hair is long enough. Once my hair gets long enough, it won’t behave without hair gel. Long hair always clogs up the shower drain.

Since growing out my naturally curly hair was a bust, I got two new products to make shaving my head easier.

The first product is Wahl Premium Hair Clipper Blade Lubricating Oil for $5 USD. When I bought my Conair hair clippers 15 years ago, it came with a tiny tube of oil for lubricating the blades. That tiny tube of oil doesn’t last long

I’ve used the following oils unsuccessfully over the years: WD-40 (strong mechanical smell that takes forever to wash out from hair), 3-In-1 Oil (light mechanical smell that washes out of hair), and vegetable oi (gums up the cutting blades). The Wahl oil worked great in reviving my clippers with a couple of drops. I had no trouble shaving off my hair.

The second product was the Bee Bald Smooth Plus Daily Moisturizer with SPF 30 Sunscreen for $7 USD. After I shaved my head with a razor, the top of my head felt like rubber from a bicycle innertube. I needed a moisturizer and sunscreen to protect my newly exposed skin. The Bee Bald lotion has a slight cocoa butter smell and makes my skin feel less raw. I haven’t been outside too much to test how effect the sunblock was.

My new hair routine is to keep my beard trimmed with scissors, shave my head once a week, and apply lotion daily to head. The nice thing about shaving my head that it only takes me about ten minutes. You can’t get a more consistent haircut than shaving your head bald. I really do like this new look even though I look like Mr. Magoo.

Updated 12 May 2020: Read my slightly different essay about shaving my head bald on Medium.

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